... What?

And that's about all I could say when all of the pieces fit together tonight.  

Today was just a weird day.  I didn't go to choir practice (which is weird for me, I hardly ever miss) because I had a last minute assignment that had to be completed today because it involved going to a museum.  I thought I lost my rain coat that I got in the mail less than 24 hours ago, but ended up finding it in the same spot I left it over 12 hours before (uh... sorry Momma... at least I found it, right?).  On top of all that, I almost slept in too late this morning, which threw off my whole schedule.  

And then came tonight.  I had been dreading it a little bit, because I had set it aside to do something very important: BStud planning.  

You see, tomorrow night, as my co-leader is unable to be there, I will be leading my girl's Bible study.  Alone.  For the first time ever.  

You could say I'm a little nervous.  

We're going to be talking about friendships and having community in our group tomorrow.  I guess I felt ok about the topic itself.  I tend to have many good, healthy friendships, so I feel quite authoritative on the subject.  But the thought of leading alone still gave me the chills.  I wasn't sure I could handle it.  

Earlier in the week, I had picked out an article from the website we get all our resources from.  I had skimmed it, liked it, and bookmarked it to use.  Tonight, I printed it off, and got to reading.

And that's when it began to get weird.  

I remembered this stuff.  Like, I had gone over it before. And not in a "oh, I've heard about having good community a million times in church" sort of going over, but a "I've used these same exact terms before" sort of going over.  

I kept reading, and got to a chart in the article.  I began to freak out.  I remembered copying down this chart.  I ran over to my drawers and got out my notebook from last year (long since filled up).  I flipped a few pages, and stopped cold.  Sure enough, it was there.  

Upon further investigation, I realized that not only was that carefully copied into my notes, but that I had done so on October 13, 2011.  Almost a full year ago.  Curious, I flipped to the next page, which had notes from last year's Fall Retreat.  

This weekend is Fall Retreat this year.  So, a year ago, the week before Fall Retreat, I had studied the same lesson I was about to teach to my girls before they go to Fall Retreat.  

Also, after more investigation of my notes, I was hit by another realization: that was the first week I had brought my notebook to BStud.  October 13th was the first time I took notes.  

I was shocked and overcome with joy.  I even vaguely remembered a year ago, getting ready to head to Bible Study, thinking "Oh, maybe I should bring my notebook.  I can use some of this stuff later."  Little did I know...

So I'm not so nervous anymore.  Because not only have I already got a ton of notes on this exact lesson, but I know now I am not leading alone.  I'm leading under my Bible study leaders from last year who poured themselves into our group.  And, more importantly  I am being led by God through all areas of life, and who's plan is much bigger than I could ever comprehend. 

Because honestly, who else would have thought that a couple pages of notes would make that much of a difference?